B&B: Bubbles and Bombs

 

There was a time when we searched for B&B to explore the world around us. The travelers roamed around the earth with an unending quest to venture into every corner of the world. Frequent Fliers met their clients and team, the world over conquering new opportunities. Students sought knowledge across the learning centers spread all over the world. In the pre-Corona era, B&B meant a simple Bed to rest and breakfast to sustain. Now B& B means Bubbles and Bombs and the Virus from Wuhan has nothing to do with it. It is about our mutations thanks to our modern habits.

 

First Mutation is our habit to remain in bubbles created around us by ourselves. We live in a bubble of images we want the world to see about us. We hang around with a crowd which we want to associate. We inhabit places where we want the world wants us to be seen. We do the things: see movies, dine, travel to places people would like us to do. Pandemic also had a say in identifying our bubble and restricting us into that. But more than those compulsions it’s about making you comfortably appear in the bubble on the social media drives us these days.  Politically we are being led into a doctrine asserted by media which again comprises of your own circles and their influences. We debate endlessly subscribing to our line of ideology hoping to convert those sitting on the fence or in the opposite camps (though we know we cannot change them). We follow the influencers   guiding us to the commercial decisions we take. Purchases we make are defined by a well-laid-out strategy by the marketer who has penetrated our bubbles and further strengthened our limits within our bubbles. Simply break away from it.

 

The second mutation is the fact that we have success bombers amongst us.  We know many friends who constantly broadcast their own success across social media. If you don’t there is every chance it’s you. You should be careful that you don’t end up being a success bomber. This is a very new term that I came across in an article. Success bombing is the term coined for the need someone has to show off about their success all the time. These people have a constant, unabashed urge to score brownie points across the other person. They will bomb you with greater success than yours. Social media offers them a platform to brag continuously. There is an advice for these success bombers that ‘be successful, celebrate life but be humble’.

 

If you study a few great human beings who are really successful and not the second-handers as Ayn Rand would say. They don’t look for those outward validations. They are motivated internally within the core of who they are and are self-driven to do their best.

We Indians have an exaggerated sense of showing off. Our cities up North are more known for their ostentatious display of larger-than-life images. It starts at a very young age. We have aunties showing off their children’s achievement of entering into JEE or as trivial as singing competition prize. But, when people do this, it’s usually an indication that they have deep-rooted insecurities and a need to constantly feel as if they are climbing the ladder one step ahead of the rest. 

On Social media, we have people who brag about themselves. They get real kicks by every like, comment, DM, or any sort of instant response they get.  We get sucked into the vortex of gratification

 

However, there is a real difference between someone ‘showing off’ here and there, and success bombing on a daily basis. These ‘bombs’ are often misjudged moments requiring applause and come from a deep-rooted issue they may have with themselves and how they’re seen by the rest of the world.

I had read this quote in that article: Work hard in silence. Let your success make the noise.’ Happy people don’t go through life collecting recognition – they give it away

So how do you guard against these success bombers? Experts in Psychology have suggested that

With success bombing, there are some common signs to look out for to determine whether a friend (or worse, yourself) is detonating self-absorbed (and unwanted) behavior.

The five signs to keep an eye out for

1.       Consider the purpose of any interaction e.g., phone call, social media post. Is to show off in some way?

2.       Are the conversations mutual?

3.       If someone else has positive news, does the person redirect the conversation to trump the news or diminish it in some way?

4.       If they have difficulty just saying “good for you” or spending time focused on someone else’s success.

5.       They might claim credit for themselves, when the praise should be for others, e.g., their partner, children, or team members.

 

Having observed this trend what to do to break from it?   We should have empathy for their problem of having a need to be loved and accepted by all around them.

1.       Try changing the subject.  The person in question probably won’t be aware they are boasting, so likely won’t notice when you switch topics.

2.       Help them understand that their social status is not the be-all and end all of life. Guide them to dig deeper into who they are and what their values truly are.

3.       Don’t let them hog the spotlight. Try to barge in. Make it about you too; don’t let them do all the talking. If they don’t ask questions about you, let loose and answer them yourself.  

4.       Humor them by listening, but don’t fall over their every word and applaud something that does not warrant it.

Experts say “If none of the above ideas work and you feel as if you’ve had enough, don’t be afraid to let go and walk away,”   

 

So be mindful of the bubble around you, break away from it and protect yourself from success bombers especially if you are a one.