Divinity

Human mind is very weak. It cannot cope up with external influences. It plans a lot. It has a vision. It has a rational thought process with cause and effect justifications. At the start of my adult thinking person, i used to be atheist. Intrigueed by exploits of man. Fascinated by Ayn rand philosophy about Human spirit, achievement and ego.
As life went along, there came in vast insights. a deep frustartion to let things go beyond your control and external factors defining your life. Life had shown unfairness as well as given largesses. seen the great dance of destiny in its very rude forms: accidents, calamities, narrow escapes, matter of chain of events leading into another chain (concatenation: remember that Jeeves -Bertie dialogue 'there is a cat in it?), plain luck making things big. Its all about externality. Maybe that externality is defined as God.
That exeternality does exist and so does God if thats the definition. Then if i believe so, then i cease to be an atheist. Yes ofcourse i do not believe in rituals but at the bottom of my heart i lay and behold towards the almighty (if there is 'anyone' who is in control). Or is it just random without any cause and effect. In plain auto mode. This dilemma has been experienced, shared by many before. Nothing for me to add.
Only for me to add is my own experience of solace i felt last weekend in viscinity of a public religious place. I felt like i used to when i returned home after kgp semester. At Home with closed ones. After a long time. Maybe it was my own thought process or it was influenced by ambience of divinity created (i spent whole night 20 mtrs from world renowned shrine).
have i turned into believer. My debate continues. But experience was great.
Guys i am sure you must have felt that sometimes as well. share with me if you do have